Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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