i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
