she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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