Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
either way he was missing a nipple.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
