I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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