someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Randomize
