Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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