I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
