Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
