Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
