Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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