You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
