She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
honey bunches of taint.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
