Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
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i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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