Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
