I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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