he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
