if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
