I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
