At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
