i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
