Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Randomize
