Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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