mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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