my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
