i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
