i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We need to rekindle our bromance
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
