the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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