i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
