when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
