For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
