I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
