From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Watching her eat just hurts me
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
