WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
