it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Welp...herpes.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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