She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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