If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
