Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
