you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
All the doctor said was why
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
