Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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