ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
