is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
