i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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