the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize