just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
