she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I need water and some morals
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
