I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
