Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
