I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
