Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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