it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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