I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
