Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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