Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
