does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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