Just fell off a train. Bad.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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