i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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