You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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