Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
