We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
