yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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