tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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