But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
