just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
