youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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