You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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