And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize