I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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