There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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