I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
