it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
