He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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