sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
