so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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