I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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