I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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