i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
