there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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