im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
