I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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