I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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