All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
