she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
